GAMES

Myth: TFTCGUL Preview

"..seeking not to conquer, but to survive..."

Myth: The Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lords brings you the world where the great Lords have been defeated but new lesser ones have arisen to take their place. You will direct the Slack Company as they struggle to wriggle out of responsibility and suck up to their patron, Alex, a new Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lord.
This sequel features new units, storyline, cutscenes, and additions to the physics engine. Check out the movies and screenshots we have available.

Units
Unit development has taken a whole new turn for the worse. We've added a few bizarre units that further confuse gameplay. We don't want to give away all the units in the sequel, but here are images and descriptions of a few of them.

Boiserks - These fearless, brightly colored mad cows decided to join the forces of Light after a few amorous advances by Windbreaker, the leader of the Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lords. Armed with razor sharp hooves and a mean disposition, they live only to make the undead into fertilizer. They thunder across a battlefield striking fear and amusement in their enemies. But don't forget to milk them when there are off duty of they will be cranky!

Flaming Soulless - Never anticipated and now finally implemented in the game are the Flaming Soulless. These undead missile troops are here and queer and they aren't ashamed of it. These pink harbingers of doom throw deadly javelins of gayness which makes the most rabidly homophobic units fall to the ground and froth at the mouth!

Story
A needlessly complex story, narrated by one of your units, takes shape as the Slack Company flees from one confrontation to the next over months and hundreds of miles. You also battle honesty and courage in your own ranks, and are rewarded for sneaky and dirty behavior. Movies of sock puppets and illegible battle maps muddy the plot and gloss over a hastily contrived sequel.
Below you'll find an example of the story text woven throughout the game.

Tuesday September 13, The Twelve Duns

Having escaped the Kingdom of Gower with the Elvis Tome, we headed west to rejoin the Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lord, Whiner, who was searching for his enemy, the Malingerer, near Muirthemne. Whiner was having a terrible time because the Malingerer refused to come to battle. The Malingerer probably was on to something there; we of the Slack Company had never done an honest day's work until this whole 'war' thing started.
On our way we detected another force shadowing us. Our scouts returned with ill news.
An army belonging to Windbreaker was on our trail. It was bad enough that the we had only seventy seven men against their seventy thousand, but we would have to face the deadly blasts of Windbreaker himself. Windbreaker was out for our blood because he was pals with the Malingerer, who had no sense of smell.
Those noble and easily misled bovines, the Boiserks, reacted with mixed emotions at the news. On one hoof they lusted for a chance at some payback on Windbreaker. On the other, the whole reason why Windbreaker came to power was because of his lactose intolerance and the Boiserk's failure to detect it.
Regardless of old debts and past mistakes, we needed a plan. Tonight we told the Boiserks that we were hitting Windbreaker at midnight. While they are keeping him busy, the rest of us are going to sneak out the back way.
I sure hope our patron, Alex, doesn't find out about our moonlighting.

Cutscenes
Storytelling has always been a very important part of Bungie's products. Myth: The Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lords is the exception. After we realized that professionally produced cell-animations was a big waste of time, we implemented a unique low cost alternative.
To make this happen, we employed the talents of the Chinese sock puppet specialist Tsing-Tao Kirin. In a series of drunken bull sessions we put the story together.
After his hangover, Tsing-Tao started digitizing the sock puppets. This involved hiring professional hand actors, hand stunt doubles, and thousands of socks. This image shows the sock puppet actor blocking out the scene where Alex realizes he is alone in the swamp. Gad, Alex is such a wimp!

After the sock puppets were digitized then the live actors were added in. Then some random sounds were added to make you think there is something wrong with your speakers. Finally, everything was run through a camcorder to give the scenes that 'medieval' feel. A simple program compiled the results and viola! Here is a frame from the sequence where Alex faces one Thrall.

Realism
The vacuity of Myth: The Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lords places it far below traditional cheap sequels, but the innovation doesn't end there. Here's a brief list of some of the other ways that the sequel dilutes the conventions of the genre.
R & R - The Myth physics model now takes into account the need for rest and relaxation among your troops. Troops who are well fed do better in battle. But be careful! You have to watch those menus. The Boiserks get really testy when steak is served.
New urban scenarios will allow your units to take advantage of the companionship of hookers, camp followers, and assorted barnyard animals. (This feature is optional; like the original Myth's 'no blood' option, there will be a 'no sex' preference.)
Pit Stops - In other games, troops never have to go to the bathroom. In Myth you will notice the realism is taken a step too far when one of your units begins holding his hand up and crossing his legs until you let him go to the bathroom. Let them nip behind a tree and then they'll be ready for the fight!
Special Effects - Adding on to Myth's already impressive list of effects, the sequel features new spells and artifacts to unbalance the game. When Windbreaker lets loose, your troops are decimated by clouds of noxious, burning fumes. When the Malingerer casts his spells troops lay down or goof off! It's all in the game, and as idiotic as you would imagine.

Movies
We made some home movies of Myth: The Fallen and They Can't Get Up Lords so you could get an idea of the depth of depravity we will sink to.
This is all we got and all you will ever see:

blast.mov Watch as Windbreaker decimates an innocent hamlet with his special power.

hands.mov In this dramatic sequence, the Geek reveals how he found his special powers.

Screenshots
Check out some action packed fun that you probably will never see:

Here is your patron, Alex, getting ready to play Beethoven on somebody's head.

Round 'em up! Move 'em out! Boiserks add that extra odor to netgames.